proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
