Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
