He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
