Dual....:-)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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