ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
