my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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