i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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