Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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