im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
