she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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