Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
