Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
