Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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