if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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