i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
