God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
