cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
