We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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