i don't like sucking hair
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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