As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
