When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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