I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
