So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
