i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
