my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
