my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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