Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
