He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
