just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
