it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
