Im at strip club and am horny
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
