bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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