People in love make me want to vomit
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
