You really coming over, don't trick.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
