so explain again why im purple
no
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
