I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
