don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
