I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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