Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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