Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
