i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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