porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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