my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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