My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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