Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
