Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
