i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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