you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
