Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
