He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
